The Coin Flip of Sharing
- 17 hours ago
- 4 min read
So boom.
One of my homegirls called me, and before she could even finish the sentence, I already knew what kind of conversation we were about to have.
You know the tone.
That “but when we’re together it feels so real” tone.
That “he says I’m the only one he talks to like this” tone.
That “I know what it looks like, but you don’t understand him like I do” tone.
C'mon yall.
I am tired.
Not because I don’t care. But because women keep asking for advice when what they really want is permission to keep ignoring the signs.
And listen… if you come to me for advice, I’m not gonna tell you what feels good. I’m gonna tell you what I learned the hard way after life sat me down, folded my arms for me, and said, “Now read that again slower.”
So she starts telling me about this man.
“He’s single.” “He spends time with me.” “He talks to me every day.” “He vents to me.” “He’s affectionate.” “He checks on me.” “He says I make him feel safe.”
And then she hits me with: “But I know he’s also entertaining other women.”
Girl.
I said, “Okay, first things first… let’s stop calling yourself a side chick.”
Because words mean things.
A side chick implies there is an actual committed main relationship somewhere.
If that man is single? Y’all are not in a triangle. Y’all are in an open casting call.
Respectfully.
And before y’all start throwing tomatoes at me, hear me out.
The problem isn’t always that a man is dealing with multiple women. The problem is when one woman thinks she’s building while the man thinks he’s browsing.
That’s a different kind of heartbreak.
Because now you’re emotionally furnishing a house he never planned to move into.
See, one thing life taught me is this:
Two women absolutely can know the same man and experience two completely different versions of him.
And no, that difference is not random.
One woman gets inconsistency, confusion, “wyd” texts at 9:38 p.m., and promises that sound like expired coupons.
The other gets intentionality. Plans. Clarity. Consistency. Effort. Direction.
One gets access.
The other gets consideration.
And before somebody screams, “Well maybe he’s scared!”
No. Sometimes that man is not scared.
Sometimes he’s simply undecided about YOU.
And I know that stings. I know. But pretending not to see it hurts longer.
See, what I noticed over the years is that men move differently when they see long-term potential.
Everything slows down.
The communication changes. The consistency changes. The emotional availability changes.
A man who sees a future with you starts protecting the connection instead of just consuming it.
That’s why I be telling my friends: Stop measuring love only by attention.
Attention is easy. Consistency costs.
Anybody can text you every day. That does not mean they’re building with you.
Some people just enjoy access.
And that’s the part nobody wants to talk about because it feels personal.
But hear me in yhe back: Just because someone enjoys you does not mean they value you correctly.
Some people love your presence while simultaneously knowing they would never choose you long term.
And before y’all turn this into “men are terrible,” let me say this too: Women do this too.
People do this.
Human beings will absolutely borrow emotional benefits from people they have no intention of building a future with.
That’s why discernment matters.
Because chemistry will have you out here writing wedding vows over a man who still introduces you as “my lil friend.”
Please, stand UP.
And another thing? Please stop letting temporary behavior convince you there’s long-term intention.
“He spends weekends with me.” Okay.
“He calls me when he’s stressed.” Okay.
“He says I bring him peace.” Okay.
And?
That still doesn’t answer the question: Is he building a life with you or just using you as emotional Airbnb?
See? That part right there.
Because some connections are real… but still temporary.
And I think that’s the hardest lesson for good-hearted people.
Sometimes the connection is genuine.
The laughs are real. The chemistry is real. The intimacy is real.
But the intention? Missing.
That’s why I no longer tell women to just “watch his words.”
Nah. Watch his direction.
Watch what role you actually play in his life.
Are you convenience? Comfort? Ego support? Distraction? Emotional rehab? Or are you partnership?
Because there is a difference between being wanted and being considered.
And ma'am, if you gotta constantly decode mixed signals, inconsistent energy, disappearing acts, and emotional crumbs…
That man is not confused.
You just don’t like the answer.
Now listen. I’m not telling anybody what to do.
Date who you wanna date. Love who you wanna love. Stay if you wanna stay. Leave if you wanna leave.
But if you ask ME?
I’m always gonna tell you the truth the way I learned it:
Never let temporary attention make you forget your permanent value.
And please… stop auditioning for a role in somebody’s life while they’re still holding open interviews.
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