Start A New...Life Canvas

Starting Over... Again

Starting over is far from easy.

There is pain and release in starting over. There is trauma and healing in starting over. I know firsthand what starting over feels like. I have had to start over in every area of my life.

Relationships – Married and Divorced in the years' length of a traditional vehicle payoff

Friendships – They may be on social media now but that is as close as we are

Situationships – Like you never had one..or three

Ministry – let's just say I regret allowing myself to get played, however, there is a blessing in the exit

Career – I had it good… until I didn’t.

School – moved around a lot. Not something I wanted to do. I was the minor. My permanent residence was always at the discretion of the adult.

From the outside, it looked as if I lived in some really cool places and got to experience a lot of communities.

But when you looked closer, you saw that I lacked stability. I was always waiting for the other shoe to drop.

When I think of starting over, I always parallel it to moving.

Try as you may, something always gets broken.

Try as you may, something is always mislabeled.

Try as you may, something always gets thrown away.

Try as you may, something is always left behind.

Also, you discover the things that you hid even from yourself, that had you known, could have made life easier.

I learned at a young age to keep what I cared most about ready to go at all times. It even influenced what my offices (early in my career my desk or cubicle) looked like. Never put things on the wall, any personal pictures, everything that I would ever need to take with me could fit into my tote bag, or at worst was a copy and could be discarded. I never brought in a personal mug or tumbler that didn’t leave with me at the end of each day.

I say all of that to say, if you are going to start over in any area of your life, be ready for the imperfect to perfectly happen.

So as you reach for that new canvas, truly examine that first stroke of paint. As you get closer, you will see that the smooth line you see from a distance is actually full of holes, inconsistencies, and mistakes.

What you make of that canvas is up to you.